Like it is: What the Hogs need to know about Las Vegas

WALLY HALL
ARKANSAS DEMOCRAT-GAZETTE

A little quiz for the Arkansas Razorbacks as they get ready for five days in Las Vegas.
1. You are underage but want to try the slots. To fool the casino cops, you should wear:
A. Your uniform, complete with pads and helmet.
B. Your Razorbacks sweats.
C. Your birthday suit.
D. Jeans and a regular shirt.

2. A lady on the street asks, "You want a date?" She is:
A. Wildly attracted to total strangers.
B. Just kidding.
C. A great Razorbacks fan.
D. A pro.

3. Another lady on the street asks, "You want a date?" She:
A. Is trying to make her boyfriend jealous.
B. Thinks she is prettier than the other girl.
C. Believes you are a dumb jock.
D. Doesn't get it.

4. You have made it by the casino cops and have plugged a quarter into the slot machine, but nothing happens. You should:
A. Shake the machine.
B. Punch the machine.
C. Shake and punch the machine.
D. Pull the lever on the right side.

5. Slot Machines are commonly known as:
A. Easy money.
B. One-eyed jacks.
C. Queen for a day.
D. One-armed bandits.

6. True or false:
A. In blackjack if you get six cards without busting, you win.
B. Never split aces and eights in blackjack.
C. If you ask nicely within the first hour, the casinos will refund your losses.
D. Guards' guns are not loaded.

7. Las Vegas was founded by:
A. Bugs Bunny.
B. Porter Moser.
C. Bobby Sox.
D. Bugsy Siegel.

8. A favorite place for gangsters to gamble before Las Vegas was:
A. The Mormon Tabernacle Church.
B. In the alley behind Mama Leone's in New York City.
C. Las Alamos.
D. Hot Springs.

9. A 99 cent shrimp cocktail costs:
A. $1.79, with inflation.
B. Nothing, because it doesn't exist.
C. $4.99 on the Strip.
D. 99 cents at the Lady Luck (one block from the Golden Nugget, the team hotel).

10. A tour of Boulder Dam is:
A. Boring.
B. Long.
C. Long and boring.
D. Incredible.

11. Steve Wynn, owner of four casinos, is a huge UNLV basketball fan who once saw a game in:
A. The Grand Canyon.
B. His dreams.
C. The parking lot between the Mirage and Treasure Island.
D. Barnhill Arena.

12. You are playing blackjack and your first two cards are a five and six, and the dealer's up card is a six. You should:
A. Yell, "Hit me, loser."
B. Spit in your hand and rub it on your head for luck.
C. Reach over and turn the dealer's card over that was facing down.
D. Double down.

13. A guy comes up on the street and wants to sell you a Rolex watch for $25. You should:
A. Say, "Wow, what a great deal."
B. Ask, "Is it real?"
C. Slap him.
D. Offer him $10.

14. The reason they don't have clocks in casinos is:
A. To save electricity.
B. So the employees can't be clock watchers.
C. To make time stand still.
D. So you won't know how long you've been gambling.

15. You've lost all your money. You should:
A. Go to the ATM.
B. Write a check.
C. Hock your jewelry.
D. Go to your room and watch television.

16. If a lady in an outfit that barely goes to the top floor offers you a free drink, you should:
A. Leer at her.
B. Run away.
C. Chop-block her.
D. Use good judgment.

17. A couple asks if you can break a $100 bill. You should:
A. Open your wallet so they can see how much money you have.
B. Say sure, I always wanted some counterfeit money.
C. Tweak their noses.
D. Say no.

18. Table stakes poker means:
A. You can eat at the table.
B. There is no ante.
C. Deuces are wild.
D. You can bet only as much as you have on the table.

19. Riding the Manhattan Express at New York New York is:
A. Wild.
B. Fun.
C. Scary.
D. All the above.

20. The bowl game is over and you still have money. You should:
A. Bet it all on one spin at the roulette table.
B. Bury it in the desert.
C. Bet it all on the "Yo" (11) at the crap table.
D. Go home.

Answers: D to all but No. 6, and all of those are false.

This article was published on Friday, December 15, 2000

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